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How to Maintain attraction


Staff member
Sep 6, 2019
Question of a Student: "How do you guys maintain attraction? So, On the first date/meet (quick date coffee date because she had work) , I've dhved (travels, club promoter, open loop work) & sexually dhved hard. To when it comes to the second/third meet up, the girl loses attraction of me and I repeat the same dhvs and talk about the same dhv topics to the point the girl gets bored. I've also even try qualifying her a bit through out the interaction. How do you maintain being a high value man when you have explicitly dhv the shit out of yourself on the first date and having nothing else to say about your self. (P.s my sexual dhv are quite exaggerated)"

I'd need far more detailed info to really answer this. And it still may be hard for me to tell you accurately why she lost attraction by the 3rd date.

I'd also be curious how you know she lost attraction. And how do you know it was done at the time you thought.

I'll keep this brief.

You've been on 3 dates. At least 3 dates. It sounds like it was all in public and / or you didn't have sex with her in any way.

I have talked to women about their dates in the past. In some cases I want to know how many men do they usually go on dates with and how many dates. Who do they chose to have sex with and who do they stop seeing. Among other curiosities that I may have.

This isn't a science, but I've noticed a pattern of scenarios or different categories they put guys in.

Some are conscious, but most are unconsciously done.

Most of the women put the guys into a few different categories before going on dates / meeting up regularly.

Sex/ONS/FWB Guy - they see the guy as a very viable sexual option. This could be because the guy is simply very nice to the eyes, she feels open around him sexually / won't be judged, maybe they won't ever see each other / there's no connection to her or her circle. The guy has sexual value (10 to 15) that she cannot resist

Friendzone Guy - this one is obvious. She sees a friend in this guy. A guy that will buy her stuff, be her shoulder to cry on, everything you know a nice guy/friend zone guy is beneficial to a woman.
When I ask them if they've had or would ever have sex with these type of guys, they always laugh and say no. They're very bold and confident when talking about these guys. They are no threat. Which leads to me ask are they afraid that these guys won't take no for an answer. They say no. They know beforehand that rejecting sex or any advances won't be a problem. No threat. And this is often due to the fact that the guy is VERY platonic and plays it VERY safe. In most cases, they don't even sexualize or even ATTEMPT to make a move. So usually the girl doesn't even need to reject them.

Relationship Guy - We know what this means. The possess some sexual value but ultimately they fit the needs of the woman when it comes to exclusive relationships. The women I've talked to have often held off on sex. The guy makes moves, shows intent. But she practically makes the guy invest. She "allows" sexualization (this is debatable when it comes Ukranian/Russian/Some girls). She wants to set the frame that he (or she) is not in the ONS/FWB category.

There's a 4th category. Which is a guy that is to be determined. She is open to this particular guy to be a FWB, relationship guy or friend. It's practically up to the guy to lead and pick the frame that he wants. It could also mean she doesn't really know if he is relationship type or a sexual option or could be put in the friendzone category (maybe she doubts that he'd accept that frame and her rejection of his sexual advances).

A guy from any of these categories could potentially move from one frame or category to another.

However if you're in the friendzone category (the worse), it is going to be much harder. There's a reason why you've been designated to be in that group. You could simply have such a low SMV that your chances of getting out of the zone is close to 0. But if you read my 6 Month Friendzone experiment you'd see that it is possible. But not easy.

If you're in the relationship category, it's easy to fall into the friendzone category. Anyone can do it. But going from that frame to a strictly sex based relationship may be a bit hard. Not as hard as the friend zone guy. If you've been framed strongly in the girl's mind as a relationship guy, then she may behave according to that frame. And you are expected and required to behave accordingly as well. So if you sexualize too early or too often, you may get some backlash. She may really push back. She may be "offended".

I saw this in my Tinder profile experiment. When my profile was nice guy relationship based. When I tried to run my normal sexual heavy based game, I was unmatched, cursed at, etc... However, when I used my heavily sexual profile with the SAME GIRLS, they were VERY receptive. I recall one girl begging me to cum in her ass.
I actually later showed her how she reacted to my other persona. She was speechless.

You framing yourself (even unintentionally) as the relationship guy, means you may have to go on more dates. You may have trouble sexualizing. You are less likely to have sex on the first dates. Or 2. Or 3.

What this also means is that there's far more time and opportunities to DLV yourself. To blow out the interaction. If I fuck a girl within 1 hour of meeting me at my flat versus having to go on 3-4 public dates where I have to be careful with sexualizing and staying on the frame she is expecting.

This is the problem with running connection game. Connection game folks often rage against being sexual or sexualizing as hard as I do. Why do they rage against it? Because they unknowingly put themselves in either the relationship frame or friendzone frame. Which doesn't allow certain things like direct or heavy sexualizing (if any at all). So in their minds, sexualizing = BAD! It doesn't work!

I know connection game coaches and PUAs. Let me tell you, I have never seen anyone get SO much LMR from women. Coaches you guys may know spending ALL night and morning getting LMR. Then having to go on 2, 3, 4 dates before having sex.
They rationalize it with "she's a good girl" or "she's a high value girl so of course it'll take 5 dates".

This is why I never want to start any frame or interaction as the relationship guy or friendzone.
I much prefer to be that sexual threat. That fuckboy. BUT with value, qualities of someone that COULD be a great relationship guy. In fact, that would be PERFECT for a relationship. But it requires the girl to work for it. To earn it. I always tell them I've been in long, committed relationship in the past. In fact, I am practically a relationship guy, but only for the right girl. I am very picky. And nowadays, there aren't girls high value enough to obtain me. But, I am totally down!
I communicate that all my committed, amazing, healthy relationships started off (in the ONS/Sexual/FWB frame).

When you start in this frame, you can EASILY move into any other frame that you wish. To first be qualified to be in this frame, I obviously want to show sexual authority and value. I want to be a real sexual threat. I want to be non-judgmental and open minded sexually. Because some girls may learn more toward finding a guy for a relationship (most), like I explained earlier I give them a taste. I give them HOPE. But I make it clear there are stages to get there. Now this doesn't have to be explicitly said, though I have explained it that way. You must calibrate.

In the last 4 years this is where I started all my interactions. I've had all kinds of different types of relationships and they all started in this frame first.

When I talk about the fuckboy/FWB/Sexual frame or guy with hope of more, I have a very clear understanding of what this looks like. Most importantly, what it looks like in the eyes of the average female. Every frame, every action, etc.. is designed to create that perception in her eyes. You must understand first what that guy looks like. What that frames looks like from the first meeting and on.

In your case, it's very possible she waited 3 dates for you to do something. To make SOMETHING happen. What if she was hoping to have a sexual relationship? She just wasted 3 dates. You did nothing. You DLV'd yourself. She lost hope. And she moved on. Attraction gone.

But only you know. So based on some of the stuff I talked about, go over the dates from the beginning and figure it out.

We keep talking about frames. frames. frames.

From your writing it sounds like meaningless dates and conversations where you did NOT lead it anywhere. As if she was supposed to lead the interaction somewhere. I am not convinced it was an issue with "maintaining attraction".

But only you know. We weren't there and we don't have enough information.