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Mindset help


Staff member
Sep 6, 2019
Question from a student:

My one major problem is the feeling of bugging them. Since my childhood I've lived in a township (bunch of societies) and grew up with the same people for my first 17 years. It was a close community and almost everyone knew each other. If I saw my parents friends and didn't greet them with namaste, they would tell my parents and my parents would scold me and tell me to respect them.
I was also taught to not bug others, not create a scene, move on when someone bothers you and ignore them. Like for example, if someone is blocking your way, don't create a scene just move around or wait until they move but don't call them out. Because if you call someone out, you're being disrespectful, then people talk and then they complain to my parents and my parents would scold me."

Instead of thinking about it as bugging the girls, think about it as raising their self-esteem and giving them a slice of validation for the day.

When you approach a girl during the day, and she sighs or gives you a disgusted look and walks away saying, "I'm busy".

It's easy to frame the interaction as you being a hindrance and annoying her. Looking at is this way will make it a lot harder to do the next approach and it reinforces the negative mindset that you might be weird/creepy.

But let's look at what is actually happening in the girl's mind. Sure, for that second she is in a rush and doesn't want anyone to hold her up or bother her. I'm sure we have all felt this way walking through a busy street as people are trying to sell us something or trying to sign us up for the next charity event.

If you are able to 'root' your open and show some intent. Essentially if the girl knows you are not selling her something, but are wanting to speak to her because you find her attractive then everything changes!

She might still give you the same dirty, annoyed look but I guarantee there is a different response happening in her mind and body. She is internally validated.

She can go on her day and know that she got the opportunity to turn someone down. She feels attractive and good about herself. She probably goes home to her boyfriend or housemate and brags about how some guy tried hitting on her today.

Sure, we can go into how to recover from an initial "blowout" and how to build attraction or have better subcoms off the open to prevent it from happening. But strickly from a mindset point of you, these women are strong and resilient. They aren't bothered by a guy telling them they are attractive. They might tell you to fuckoff but I promise you they are stroking their egos at the same time.

In response to the second part of your statement; you need to be able to take up space in this world. You're not a kid anymore, stop worrying about creating a scene. You are a grown man! You need to feel entitled to go for what you want and have a mark on the world that you live in. You don't have long here and you certainly don't want to be sitting on your death bed thinking, "well I'm really glad I didn't make a scene in my life...". Make an impact in every day you live. This is both on a micro and macro level, feel free to ask for what you want, to go for what you want, and to speak to whoever the fuck you please.